


Faster

by Chuukawa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Suicide, last letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 09:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19809616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chuukawa/pseuds/Chuukawa
Summary: Iwaizumi is running.I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I can’t even write it. I’m afraid Hajime, I’m so fucking scared. But I can’t continue anymore. It hurts, it hurts so much. I can’t breathe. I’m not even sad, I’m just empty and this is even worse.





	Faster

_My dear Iwa-Chan,_

Iwaizumi is running. 

_It feels so weird to write you a letter. I haven’t done that since we were what ? 7 years old ? Yeah, I think it was when you were at your grandma house during summer holiday (it was the worst for me because you weren’t with me and I was so lonely). I’m used to receive letter but not writing some. It feels really weird you know ? I’m not a writer type of guy. Ah wait. I’m talking too much for nothing again, sorry. To be honest, I would have preferred to never write you a letter again._

Faster. Faster. 

_I’m sure you already know why I’m writing. You know me better than anyone else. I’m pretty sure you can read my mind too.  
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I can’t even write it. I’m afraid Hajime, I’m so fucking scared. But I can’t continue anymore. It hurts, it hurts so much. I can’t breathe. I’m not even sad, I’m just empty and this is even worse. _

_Hajime, I’m going to kill myself. I thought about it for a long time you know. At first, it was just a bad idea I had when I was in a bad mood. Something you say but don’t really take seriously. But now it’s different. I can’t do it. I can’t keep going. Living is too difficult and I’m so tired Hajime. I’m tired of everything._

He needs to run faster. 

_You saw this coming right ? I’m sure of it. You always know everything about me. You probably saw how nothing could make me happy anymore. You probably saw that I was getting tired of volleyball. You probably heard me crying at night when I was trying to make no noisy because I didn’t wanted to wake you up. You probably saw that I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped taking care of myself. I don’t even take care of my pretty face anymore, can you believe that ? But I’m still beautiful._

_I don’t even know how I can still joke right now; I’m probably losing my mind. I mean, those are my last words, I should be dramatic or sad. But I’m not. I’m just eager to finally end it all._

Is he crying ? He didn’t even feel the tears dropping down his cheeks. 

_You know, for a moment I thought it was going to get better, because you were by my side. I thought that maybe I could try. I was such an idiot. Because you’re not mine. You were so happy to introduce your girlfriend to me last month. I know I was smiling and saying that I was happy for you. But I wasn’t. My heart stopped beating that day. And I was so angry. Because the idiot I am was hoping that you two would break up soon. I even wish it. But you are in love with her, I can see that. We almost don’t see each other anymore and I understand. But it hurts. And I can’t do anything. I should be happy for you, I know that, but I can’t. I’m sorry for being such a shitty best friend._

He enters abruptly in the apartment. 

“Tooru !” 

_I love you Hajime. I love you more than anything in the world. And I don’t love you like best friends do. I really love you. I wanted to be your lover. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to cuddle with you every night. I wanted to make love with you. I wanted to be your family. I wanted to be Iwaizumi Tooru. I wanted to buy a great house for us. I wanted us to adopt children. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you until the end. I love you, I love you so much. You’re my everything, my heart, my sunray. You are the only person who made me happy in my life. I was living for you Hajime, I really was._

“Tooru please open your eyes !” 

He can hear himself sobbing. 

_I love your laugh. If I should choose my favorite sound in the world, it would be your laugh. You look so beautiful when you smile, and I know you don’t see it but god you really are an angel. I love your voice when you sing while cooking. I love the way you take care of people around you. I love your kindness. I love how you are always here for me when I’m hurt, when I’m crying or when I’m angry. I love your face when you don’t understand something. I love your eyes. I love your lips. If only you knew how much I want to kiss them. I love it when you put your hand in my hair to support me. I love seeing you blushing. I love you. I can’t explain why; I don’t even know why I love you so much. Maybe because you were the only person to know me. Maybe because you were the only one to really care about me. It doesn’t matter. I love you more than anything in the world. Please never forget that._

_Please, don’t forget me._

“Don’t leave me, you can’t leave me.” 

He feels like his heart is going to stop beating soon. 

_Thank you for everything Hajime. I should have said that sooner. Thank you for bearing with me when I was unbearable. Thank you for never letting me alone. It’s weird to think that you have always been there for me since the moment we started to walk. I used to think that we would be together forever. And I still kind of think like that. I want to be with you forever. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you._

_I was born to love you, I’m sure of that. I will love you forever._

“I fucking love you too dumbass…” 

_I’m sorry Hajime, please don’t cry. I know you’re crying because even if people think you’re insensitive, I know that you’re a big crybaby. It’ll probably hurt a little (I mean I’m still your best friend) and I’m sorry. I hate seeing you cry. And I hate the fact that I’m the one hurting you. Forgive me._

It’s his fault. He’s losing his best friend, the man he loves, the person he lives for and it’s his fault. Because he’s a fucking coward who decided that confessing was a bad idea and that he should move on and put some distances between them. He hates himself. He wants to go back in time. 

_It’s not your fault Hajime. It’s mine. I wanted to be happy for you but I couldn’t. I wish I could have stayed by your side. But you know, I’m not sorry for loving you. Because you are the best thing that happened in my all life. I was blessed to have you by my side._

He needs to stop crying and calls help. 

But he can’t move, he just can’t leave Tooru alone. Because he knows this is the last time he’s holding him in his arms. 

_Please be happy. I love you._

__

He can’t. 

__

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing angst and it hurts, i'm sorry for Tooru and Hajime they deserve better


End file.
